“Whatever souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”
A good friend of mine said that I need to write when I don’t want to write. Problem is that I don’t really know what to say. So I figure I’ll share what I’m feeling and thinking in the hopes of making a difference.
One of my biggest fears is becoming someone I am not proud to be. In the last few days, I have come to find that I don’t like some of the choices I have made. It is one thing for me to deal with my own choices, but to have others judge me for them has been a lot to handle.
It has taken me years to become the person I am today and I let one moment of weakness take away from that.
Something that I vowed I would never do cost me a relationship I deeply value. People never get close enough to hurt me and this person is one of the few souls who knows my deepest pains, secrets, and joys. In the midst of fear, I ruined us in the process.
I wish I could do something to make things go back to normal. There are days when I wish I could take away the hurt and days when I am swallowed up by it. The whispers and the judgments are the least of my worries.
This is for you.
These are all the words I wish I knew how to express. I want to rewind to pillow fights, laughing, and watching our favorite show. The moments when it felt like we were in our own world.
When life seemed to pause and all that mattered was the time we shared. Even through the fights, there have been defining moments that have helped me realize that there is nothing in this world that can change how I feel. Since I have known you, I don’t know what my world is like without you.
How I miss you. Us.